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Jan. 12th, 2011


After much searching...

I have finally found my way back to this place I once called home to my thoughts and feelings. I have grown more than I can possibly explain to you in the mere moments left of this day... But soon... Soon I will be back here, and hopefully you will still wish to read what I have to say. I hope you'll come back :)

Jan. 4th, 2007


The subject line is always the most difficult part to share...

alas... how long has it been? days? months? years even? I appreciate having another outlet to vent my anger from, albeit a little prehistoric compared to most... but it's comfortable and a little new...

I want to say all the things here that I've been dying to say elsewhere, but my computer seems to have decided that my blog on myspace is somewhere i don't need to be, and I say everything happens for a reason, so hell, why not take chances and post here... see what comes of it...

I've started seeing this girl... Her name is Lauren... and I adore her... She absolutely kills everything inside of me that I have worked so long to build up... I don't know what it is... I NEVER saw myself becoming so attached to a woman in all my life... If you know me at all you know I hate girls... but she's different... I should take a minute to explain how we came about since it's important in the plot of this story...

We worked together at Old Navy for like a 3 day period before i left and became seasonal because of my shift position at Bux. Apparently she fell for me the first time she laid eyes on me and that was in August... I didn't see her again until November when we had our Christmas meeting... she kept showing up and hugging me and I was just captivated... absolutely captivated... she and I have been hanging out ever since and it took me a while to figure out just how into me she was.... and it was cute... I've enjoyed it a lot... it's a nice break from the ordinary... but I'm afraid it's just a phase and I don't want her hurt, or me hurt either for that matter... but I think we'll be fine...

On the other side of the news... Adham... augh... I swear to GOD! I don't even know... it's like I'm fine, as long as I don't think about him, call him, look at his profile, hear from him, etc... but I mean, 3 years is a long time to just walk away from someone... and honestly, I think we've got a good friendship building up... and I'm enjoying watching where it's going... He's a really strong person inside, and he needs to find that out on his own... Only time will tell =) I think he and I may end up back together in the end... I just wasn't feeling it at the moment and neither of us was happy... we were just settling... I think both of us needed to do some soul searching, growing up, and having a little bit of fun at the same time... "let a bird go, if it comes back to you, then and only then is it truely yours to own" right? right.

anyway... I have a few letters to write within the next few days or weeks or whenever I feel moved to put pen to paper... one of those will definitely have to be to Jake. I love him more everyday... and sometimes I think my heart will burst because of it... I want him in my life forever... I can't wait to see where the path we're on takes us... it's amazing to be near him...

So yeah... this is my first vent of any kind in sometime.... I miss writing... I vow to buy pen and paper tomorrow =D


Oct. 12th, 2006


a year not much unlike the others

so it was recently brought to my attention my lack of updates on this thing. I hate this thing. I spent way to many sleepless nights screaming my emotions at a computer screen that took them and discarded them into cyberspace as if they were nothing but crumbs. So I have a bittersweet love of livejournal. Feel free to add me to your myspace account if you so desire. www.myspace.com/jaggedlandslide


Mar. 30th, 2006


(no subject)

hahaha... I laugh at myself for being so self centered... of course it happened like that... wouldn't you?

ok, enough mindless babble... I'm still alive... for those of you who give a shit which is probably few and far between... I didn't think I had the net at home, but turns out I did the whole time... Don't ask it's a long story... Anyway... I'm just blah... yes, just blah blah blah... right now anyway... for a split second... and i'm REALLY sleepy... so... i ...think... i'll... go tooooooooooooooo bed...

Jan. 30th, 2006


(no subject)

if i could possibly explain the frustration of my entire day today in this mere blog, I would smear the pages with blood and sweat and tears and dirt and trash and utter shit and then call it a work of art...

I have never been a nervous person in my life... never... i'm not a shy person for the most part, and I usually get straight to the point, I don't have sweaty palms or a shaky knee or anything like that, but i'll be damned if Jimm Cox doesn't put the fear of God in me... I left Intermediate Acting class today almost in tears because I have never been so utterly upset, disappointed, and frustrated with myself in my entire existance in my life... I wanted to literally just lash out at the first thing I came in contact with... I wanted to scream and rip away at someone's soul til they felt as miserably hopeless as I did and then I wanted to shove their face in a pile of shit and I wanted to laugh at them... I have found myself in a very difficult place... A place where you realize that there is no other place to go but foward, and that if you don't get there first, someone is going to beat you to it... I've got to put all this passion that I get when I get upset and I've got to put it to use in my work, in my acting skills, wysiwyg skills... Passion lost is passion wasted... why not channel them into something bigger and better and for a greater cause... Screaming at the heavens and tears never did amount to anything unless put to a use, so I've got to find a way to use these things to get through... and I will...

On a side note, Adham makes me happy... it took losing him to realize that he may just be the one... I sure hope so... Otherwise I'll cry... of course, I could use those tears as my first attempt at acting...

I need to breathe...

I love you guys, and I'm dreadfully sorry for not updating sooner or more often... of course really the only reason i am updating here at all is b/c myspace is down at the moment... haha...


Jan. 12th, 2006


For those curious of happenings going on...

Life sucks... you have missed nothing... lol

Classes are coming along nicely... Though they are going to kick me in the ass i'm pretty sure...

So anyway... I'm in the library researching for WYSIWYG info b/c barry is a moron ><

So yeah... I've got to get to that and then I've got to get to the house and memorize the rest of my monologue for jimm's acting class...

for those curious, my schedule is as follows...

Sundays- work ???
- rehearsal 3-5ish
Mondays- class at 9,10,11,12,1,2-3:15
- rehearsal 7-9ish
Tuesdays-work ???
-rehearsal 7-9ish
Wednesdays- same as Mondays
Thursdays- same as tuesdays
Fridays -class at 9,10,11,12,1-1:50
-rehearsal 7-9ish
Saturdays- Work ???
- my only day to breathe!!!

Anyway... love you guys... leave me commentage =D

Dec. 7th, 2005


(no subject)

me in my halloween costume... aren't I a cute fairy?? =)

probably one of the best pics of me EVER... and there's my B!!

me before the My Chemical Romance concert at HOB M.Beach

me and Julie before the Queensryche concert at M.Beach

me and Julie COMPLETELY wasted lol

me and Julie and B the day we left for home =(

the beautiful sunrise the day we were leaving... even though it rained the whole damn time we were there ><


my beautiful driveway the day the leaves started falling

Dec. 6th, 2005


A letter to santa =D

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Monday I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In April I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points). Last Saturday I broke yami_pez's X-Box (-12 points). In October a_little_faerie and I robbed a bank (-50 points). In August I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-417 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Dec. 5th, 2005


And all you'd ever hear me say, is how i pictured me with you, that's all you'd ever hear me say

I sat in B&N for 5 hours today. At one point in the duration of my stay in the comfy chair, a woman sat down in the comfy chair beside me, wrapped in a scarf, peformance fleece vest, pink messagener bag, and laptop. She sat for an hour or so, clicking away, pausing only long enough to catch me glimpsing at her or to pick up another thought process before typing away again.

About an hour after she'd been hacking away at something (an essay, poem, newspaper article maybe?) Her husband came up behind her, and asked her how her writing was going. She seemed stressed, convinced that somehow her words weren't coming out right. He sat down on the arm of the comfy chair and she sat back, laptop in her lap, and let him read it. He commented on it; it was a good comment, but I lost it because I was reading his shirt which said "When I get money, I buy books first. If there is any left over, I then buy food and clothes." I could tell he lived by this statement because that shirt was so worn it was almost sheer. She made a comment about his comment, obviously still displeased with her own work, snapped the laptop shut (to which he replied, 'you're so silly') and she got up headed for coffee. She insisted that he take her chair and 20 mins later she returned with a tall coffee for each of them.

I watched this couple for close to 2 hours I know. And the entire time, all I could think of is how I hope to find a husband just like that one day. Caring, gentle, understanding, encouraging, loving, and amazing in each and every single little way. They played off each other so well, I can't imagine a better couple. They made me smile.

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I have an anklet on my ankle from vacation. Adham bought it for me during our last day at Cedar point. It's one of those that you make a wish, let someone else tie it on, and then wait for it to fall off. It's been 5 months, it's still on, and that wish is burning a hole in my brain.

I stole a postcard from B&N today. (I also read the PostSecret book, which is GREAT btw, and a perfect Christmas gift *hinthint*) It has a cute poem on it, and I would like to share it now.

All things mellow

In the mind,

A sleight of hand,

a trick of time.

And even our great love

will fade

woon we'll be strangers

in the grave.

That's why this moment

is so dear.

I kiss your lips,

and we are here,

so let's hold tight,

and touch and feel,

for this quick instant,

we are real.

I stole it b/c it spoke to me, and I was feeling rather hippie-esque so I took it for my mere enjoyment... They charge enough for their coffee that they will not miss a 75 cent post card... if they do, then they can take me to jail.

Having an emotional day of sorts. I took about 2 hours and handcrafted Adham a birthday card, I hope he likes it. I'm sure he will. It may just be the nicest part of my soul I've ever shared with anyone; though it only looks like a greeting card.

I think I'll take the postcard I stole today and send it to PostSecret. Maybe they'll put it up on the website. (for those of you not uptodate... www.postsecret.blogspot.com Brandon, correct that if it's wrong).

So, there is my enlightenment for the evening. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


Nov. 28th, 2005


(no subject)

I need a change, therefore i am contemplating dying my hair plaitnum blonde...

If you think this is a bad idea, you better stop me now...

Hair color change is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon...

That is all.

Carry on.


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